Appreciation —> Happiness

Yesterday Jess shared this nugget of wisdom over on Makeunder My Life:

“Stuff doesn’t make people happy. The appreciation of stuff makes people happy.”

As soon as I read this in my Google reader I stopped and immediately posted to Twitter:

Then I pulled up MML to get the URL, hit “Tweet,” and continued reading.  The next line was “Yep, go ahead and tweet it.” And then I felt like a complete tool.  But that’s not the point of this.

The point is that Jess’ statement is so true. The beautiful duvet we got for our wedding doesn’t make me happy; the sight of it on a nicely made bed and the thought of the comfort it provides makes me happy.  Owning a new black cardigan doesn’t make me happy; appreciating that it was exactly what I was looking for, is soft, fits me perfectly, and was only $17 makes me happy. The diamond earrings I got for my wedding don’t make me happy; appreciating their beauty and the fact that they go with everything and I can wear them every day makes me happy.

I think this statement applies to relationships too.  Having a husband/boyfriend/partner doesn’t necessarily make you happy.  Appreciating the laughs you share, the thoughtful things they do for you, the comfort you feel when resting your head on their shoulder or getting a big hug, that’s the stuff that makes you happy. This goes for family members, friends, co-workers, kids, and probably pets as well.

So it’s true appreciation yields happiness.

I’d love to know:

Who or what are you appreciating these days?

PS–A big thanks to Colleen for teaching me how to take a screen shot today!

What’s for Dinner? Wednesday: How Sweet It Is edition

Happy Hump Day! Aren’t long weekends great?  Having an extra day or two to relax and unwind is a wonderful thing.  But long weekends are a gift that keeps on giving: a short work week before or after.

But after two short weeks of work, the last two days in my office have had me feeling wiped out by 3:30. All I wanted to do when I came home today was take a nap.  After my 15 minute power nap on the couch, I was still pretty drained so I was happy to see that the meal we had planned for tonight was actually pretty speedy.

Me, as we sit down at the coffee table to eat: “Wow, this is going to be soo good.”

Mike: “Yeah, where’d you get this recipe?”

Me: “Where do you think?”

Mike: “How Sweet It Is?”

Me: “Uh, huh.”

[I get most of my recipes here so this is no surprise. Like the sangria and cookies I made for NYE, the fish sticks we had for dinner earlier this week, and the crockpot recipe we’ll have tomorrow or Friday.]

Me: “Don’t you love Jessica?”

Mike: “Yeah, is she single?”

What?! Isn’t my referencing her blog and bringing her delicious recipes into your life enough? I mean, I know she has a good sense of humor but come on!

So anyway, this is what we had for dinner:

BLT Salmon Tacos

These were really good, though I think I’d have much more to say if I hadn’t literally inhaled my first one.  Yeah, I kind of felt overwhelmed after that.

After Mike wolfed down his tacos in like four bites: “Mmm, yeah, that’s a keeper. I’d definitely have that again. That would be good in the summer too.”

Remember when I told you to make “try one of Jessica’s recipes” one of your new year’s resolutions? Yeah, I meant that.  Have you?

For dessert, we shared a Karen’s Birthday cupcake from Baked and Wired that I picked up on a lunch walk with my friend Allie.

And, I just put in the last 5 loads of laundry from our bed bug situation.  Good. Day.

 

 

Day One

January 1, 2012 was a good day.

We got up and relaxed and then picked up breakfast items at Starbucks.  We came back and made coffee in the mugs Mike got me for Christmas and had breakfast.

Then we had our money conversation where we figured out our budget, made some goals, and came up with a plan to monitor our variable budget lines: the tracker below.

Our current goals: allocate money each month for life events (i.e. friends’ weddings, Christmas) so we don’t have to put those things on our credit cards, and pay off the lowest of my student loans by the 4th of July. In addition to those two joint goals my goal is to pay off my American Express by April 1. (You can read more about our various accounts here.)

Our other new plan is to chat each time one of us gets paid about upcoming expenses so that we can stay on top of things and continue to be on the same page. Usually we’d just chat when the accounts were getting low, or after one of us randomly checked our online banking. This often left us frustrated and feeling like “we have no money.” But that’s a reactive way to deal with things and we don’t want to be reactive, we want to be proactive. Being reactive leaves you feeling out of control but being proactive will leave you feeling on top.

After our talk, I got in bed to read Catching Fire (the second in The Hunger Games series). I love laying in bed reading especially when it’s sunny out and the sun shines through the window. Of course I fell asleep.  Then I woke up to our neighbor talking on the phone and wishing someone a Happy Birthday! Like not OK. This happens pretty regularly (mostly at night when I get in bed at 9pm) so I figured it was a good opportunity to knock on the door and tell her.  She didn’t answer the door.

We had lunch and did laundry.  Folded it while listening to an old episode of the Dave Ramsey show.  Have you listened to this show? It’s crazy how much debt these people have paid off. Mike and I find it inspiring.

Then we headed down to the National Mall to throw the frisbee around. It was a warm day for winter, Mike was wearing shorts, and when my heart rate started to get up after a few good throws and catches, I took off my jacket.

Sometime in the last two years, Mike and I started throwing the frisbee around. I’m not sure why but I’m so glad we did. Mike really likes to play sports, any type of sport, and when we throw the frisbee around I feel like his buddy.  It’s also exercise, I can get a pretty good sweat going and feel my heart pumping. And it’s a good time for us to chat. When we lived in our old apartment, we’d walk up to the mall and toss it around on the lawn in front of the Capitol. Now that we live further from the Mall, we’ll have to make more of an effort to get down there to do but I really hope we do that more.  Why not take advantage of the great city we live in?

We stopped at Pinkberry on the way home for a light snack.  And then hit the grocery store to get ingredients for dinner.

We made a butternut squash calzone , using the filling from Jessica’s stuffed shells, with a gorgonzola cream sauce on the side. OMG was this good.  I think Mike almost died of satisfaction.

Then we watched Crazy Stupid Love.

January 1, 2012 is reflective of a lot of things I hope the rest of the year will be filled with: productivity, fun, quality time together, creativity in the kitchen, and relaxing time. We were out and about but also home. We were productive but also had time to play.

I’m really hopeful for 2012.  I think it’s going to be a great year.

I’d love to know:

How did you spend January 1, 2012?

Good talk

source

Last night Mike and I had a really good talk about money.  We talk about money on pretty regular basis, have worked out numerous budgets over the last couple of years living together, and often the conversations end with me frustrated and stressed.  But last night, the conversation went differently.

We created a budget a few months ago and have been trying to live within the parameters of it since. But we spent too much in November and then with the bedbugs and Christmas presents in December we’re kind of feeling like we’re not in control.  We’d like to get on the same page and really be on top of things going forward. So in preparation for a larger conversation about money, both of us have been thinking a lot about it.

When Mike picked me up for dinner last night, we started chatting about what we’d both been thinking so far: how we should allocate our money, the logistics of paying bills, budgeting, planning to attend friends’ weddings, go on vacation, save, buy Christmas gifts, pay down debt, etc. And we were on the same page.  Mike would say something and I’d say “Yeah, I agree, that’s a good idea.” And I’d say something and he’d say “I was thinking the same thing” or “You’re right.”

I think the difference between that conversation and some of our prior conversations is that we were both on board, both thinking about the issues separately before we came together. In the past we’d sat down to chat about money and we’d ask each other questions we didn’t have the answers for. Then I’d get combative and frustrated when Mike didn’t know exactly when the cable bill is due. But this time we’re both brainstorming, both thinking about potential budgets and different ways to allocate our money. We’re thinking about where we’ve gotten stuck in the past and how we can prepare for those types of things going forward.

We’ll have a more detailed conversation this weekend where we lay out real numbers, come up with a plan to manage our money and communicate about our money on a monthly basis, and decide on long term goals. I hope that by preparing individually for this longer conversation ahead of time, it will be more productive and substantive.

From our conversation last night, I’m thinking it will be.  We were very much on the same page and talking to each other as partners and teammates.  It’s exciting to plan our life together.

Christmas before Mike

Before I started dating Mike, Christmas wasn’t a happy time for me. No holidays were.

In my family, holidays were occasions that magnified the underlying unhappiness of our family. Holidays were a reminder that our family was irreparably broken. That we were not as happy or perfect as we pretended to be.

They were days that we were forced to spend together because everyone else was spending the day with their family.  And we couldn’t go outside because it was too cold.  So we were trapped inside with a mother and father that didn’t get along. And that tension permeated everything. Even if there wasn’t an outburst or blatant fighting, I could feel the tension.  I knew something was wrong.

I got sick almost every Christmas. And almost everything Thanksgiving.  I’m sure it was all the stress built up in my body.  I remember being sick for a lot of holidays–fever, vomiting. Ironic for the girl that didn’t miss a day of school from 4th grade through high school graduation.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I got sick when I had to stay home for extended periods of time.

It wasn’t a happy occasion.  We didn’t really have traditions. Activities that are typically fun holiday traditions like decorating the tree were just chores for me because they were painful.

Of course there were good moments: when I got Barbie roller-skates, extended family Christmas parties where the boys got Hess trucks and the girls got China dolls. On Christmas Eve, my siblings and I all slept in the same room and read Christmas stories. We busted through stockings and presents within a half hour and spent the rest of the day playing with new toys and watching a new movie.

But overall I’d say I felt trapped.

I’m not sure how my siblings would describe Christmas at our house.  I wonder if their memories are as painful as mine.  If they have vivid memories. I really don’t remember the holidays.  I really don’t remember a lot from my childhood.

Christmas at Mike’s house was a very different experience. Starting with Thanksgiving, his dad’s favorite holiday, the Christmas season is Mike’s favorite time of the year. They’d all decorate the tree, listen to Christmas music, watch Christmas movies. It was definitely the most wonderful time of the year, a time of family, and joy.

So when Mike and I started dating, he shared his child-like awe and wonder and excitement about Christmas with me.  And over the years, Christmas has slowly become a happy time. A time to enjoy the company of family and friends, to slow down and take it all in. I know that in the years to come it’s only going to get better.

The Little Things: Christmas 2011 edition

Back in DC after a very busy but great holiday weekend with our families in PA.  Here’s a list of the little things that made this weekend great:

• pulling up and seeing Christmas lights on my Dad’s house after years without them
• the smell of a real tree
• seeing It’s a Wonderful Life at the old Newtown Theater on Christmas Eve
• waking up with my husband on Christmas morning
• giving a great gift and the smiles that follow when it’s opened
• sitting in front of the fire
• Mike and I putting the finishing touches on Christmas dinner with perfect timing for serving
• coffee in a Christmas mug
• laughing with Mike’s parents
• the huge smiles on my siblings’ and Dad’s faces while iceskating on Christmas day

• seeing a picture of my mom and me from my wedding day hanging above her desk at work
• holding hands while iceskating
• seeing Mike back on skates after 3 years
• good conversations with Mike’s cousins
• the decision to bring cheesesteaks and hoagies to Dad’s to eat a chill dinner with everyone at home
• seeing old friends at the annual Christmas and little hot-dog party, especially one I haven’t seen in a while

These days

Today’s post is a list of random things I’m doing/thinking about/loving right now.  Thanks to Heather and Clare for the inspiration!

1. I can be found mouthing the lyrics to these songs at the gym.  Though they make me want to sing out loud, I reign in my excitement at the gym.

      It’s My Turn Now, Keke Palmer

Favorite lines: “I’m strong, yeah I’m steady” and “In my heart I’m believing that I can see how I can live what I’m dreaming” Perfect mantras for the gym, and for life.

      Somebody to Love, Glee Cast

(I love the Justin Beiber version too.)

Favorite lines: “Step to the beat of my heart” and “Smile for me.” Make my heart melt. And great for the gym.

2. I’m loving smoothies right now.  In November one of my goals was to eat one fruit and one veggie per day. Check off that fruit!

Favorite recipes:

• Mixed berry–1 cup low fat plain yogurt, 1 cup frozen mixed berries, 1 tsp vanilla, 1/4 cup milk, and 1/2 tbsp sugar (though add to your taste) in the blender.
• Strawberry Peach–1 cup low fat plain yogurt, 1/2 cup frozen strawberries, 1/2 cup frozen peaches, 1/4 cup milk, and honey to taste (my taste is 1 tbsp) in the blender. Each of these makes one.

3. Inspired by Jess‘ post about writing a letter to herself, I’m working on my intentions for 2012, thinking about where I want to be come January 1, 2013, and what I want my life to look like.  I’m really enjoying this exercise; it makes me hopeful for what 2012 will bring.

4. I’m looking forward to driving home with Mike today and belting singing Christmas songs.

5. I really want to make this pomegranate vanilla sangria.  I’m brainstorming events I could make this for. Any ideas?

6. One of your intentions for 2012 should be to make some of Jessica’s recipes.  I’m not kidding.

7. I’m about halfway through The Hunger Games and I’m really enjoying it so far. I just got to the part where the games begin.

8. This tea is my go-to when I feel like I’m getting sick.  It’s like a miracle worker. Knocks a cold right out.

9. I’m loving all of my readers.  Thank you for reading and commenting!

10. Speaking of my readers: Before we knew that our bites were coming from bed bugs, I wanted to post a picture of the bites and see if any of you knew what they might be. Mike said that was gross and unless I could prove there were some doctors in my readership, he wouldn’t let me post pictures of his bites. So, who are you? What do you do? Any doctors out there?

I’d love to know:

What are you up to? What are you excited about these days?

 

What’s for Dinner? Butternut squash stuffed shells

I just finished my last bite and had to share this meal with you immediately.

Butternut squash stuffed shells.

We made Jessica‘s Roasted Butternut Squash and Sweet Potato Whole Wheat Lasagna a month or so ago and absolutely loved it.  So I was excited to try the stuffed shell version and it didn’t disappoint. You take a bite and the squash is creamy and buttery and garlicky. Delicious. If you’re more of a penne person, try the penne version.

I think this is going to be a go-to recipe in our house.

6 great wedding gifts

While most brides would say they want cash or something off their registry, I know some people feel uncomfortable giving money or towels.  They want to give something more special and personal.  Here’s a list of gifts we received that were not on our registry and that I loved/appreciated.

Painting of the church we were married in

My aunt and uncle gave us this water color painting of the church we were married in.  In my thank you note, I wrote “we’ll hang it in our new apartment and be reminded of the joy of our day when we walk by it.”  And sure enough when Mike put it up, it made me smile with delight and joy and gratitude for my new husband.  In addition, it helped make our new apartment feel like home.

Wine rack and bottles of wine

We registered for wine glasses and my creative and thoughtful friends Leslie and Bridget gave the gift a personal touch.  With the wine glasses, they gave us a wine rack and two bottles of wine.  They selected bottles of wine that relate to newlywed issues: Clean Slate and Tempra Tantrum and attached notes to them explaining when to open them.

Love and wine grow better with time

Open your home to entertain and eat, 

catch up with old friends and new ones to meet.

When the night is over share this bottle of wine, 

but don’t sit down yet–it’s clean up time!

~

Love and wine grow better with time

When fights occur as they sometimes will

and tempers are steaming hot,

pour a glass, take a sip, and be thankful for what you’ve got.

For in a marriage if everyone agreed life would be a bore,

and by asking for Joanna’s hand, Mike is surely in for more!

We haven’t opened the bottles of wine yet, we haven’t had a massive fight (woohoo) or entertained much (goal for December?) but I’m looking forward to it. Edit: when I originally drafted this post we hadn’t opened either bottle.  After the bed bug incident we broke into one.

Flowers

This sweet, colorful set of seeds and pots came from my best friend and bridesmaid Amanda via Red Envelope. I haven’t planted them but I’m looking forward to it. (Note: until midnight tonight get 10% off using the discount code KANE (courtesy of my favorite radio show)).

Mr. and Mrs. Aprons with Newlywed Cookbook

This set also came from Amanda via Red Envelope. This was the perfect gift for us.  We love to cook together, it’s one of the things that keeps us connected, and we always cook from a recipe.

Williams-Sonoma Bride & Groom Cookbook Set

Still love this gift from my friend Jordan.

Night at Bed and Breakfast

My girlfriends from college got us a night at a B&B in Virginia, about an hour from the city.  We spent the night at Stone Manor B&B in October and enjoyed relaxing together.  It was so nice to get a break and some quality time out in the country.

Thanks, everyone!

I’d love to know:

Did you get any gifts that weren’t on your registry? Were they good or bad?

What’s your favorite gift to give a newlywed couple?

Advice on moving in

My sister and her boyfriend are moving in together for the first time next semester.  After talking to some different people and hearing horror stories about couples that move into together and then break up, they asked me for my advice on moving in together. Here’s what I came up with (in no particular order):

• Make sure you have quality time.  Whether it’s a date night, cooking dinner together, or watching a show once a week, make sure you spend quality time together.  It’s easy to be together but not really be present with one another.
• Make sure you have alone time.  While it’s important to do things together, it’s also important to do your own thing.
• Figure out how you’ll pay the bills, both where the money will come from and how the bill will logistically be paid (online, check, who will do it). When I lived with roommates in college, we’d leave the bill in the return envelope with a stamp in front of the door with a post-it of how much each person owed and the due date.  Last person to put their check in dropped it in the mail.
• Pick your battles. Most likely there will be a bunch of habits that randomly irk you when you move in with someone new.  Whether they leave dishes in the sink, leave the bath mat soaking wet, or leave their dirty socks wherever they take them off, figure out which one drives you the most crazy and choose that one. Then communicate that preference to your partner in a polite way.
• Be patient. It takes time to merge living experiences. Heck, we’ve been living together for 3+ years and we’re still working things out.

I’d love to know (and so would my sister):

What advice would give to a couple moving in together?