a friend at work told me i may be depressed after the wedding. so i wasn’t surprised when the first week back to my normal life was less than exhilarating. i figured i was tired from traveling and after the high of an amazing wedding and unbelievable honeymoon of course it would be rough to be back in the stifling heat of the city and the chill of my beige windowless office. after a week or so, i felt like i was adjusting back to my normal life.
however, in the last few days, a wave of exhaustion and depression has swept over me. i’m completely exhausted before i get to work even though i went to bed before 9pm the night before. i’m melancholy and sad and find myself sobbing, loudly and uncontrollably, a few times a day.
i can’t articulate what i’m going through or why i’m feeling what i’m feeling. there is nothing logical or rational behind it. and this isn’t like going away to college when everything changed and everyone around you was going through the same thing and that made it easier. no, this is just me.
these are probably growing pains. and the waves on which they come are very close together right now. as time goes on, they’ll lessen in frequency and severity. i’ll get back to equilibrium soon enough. all i can do in the meantime is honor my feelings. they’re not wrong. they’re mine.