a friend at work told me i may be depressed after the wedding.  so i wasn’t surprised when the first week back to my normal life was less than exhilarating.  i figured i was tired from traveling and after the high of an amazing wedding and unbelievable honeymoon of course it would be rough to be back in the stifling heat of the city and the chill of my beige windowless office. after a week or so, i felt like i was adjusting back to my normal life.

however, in the last few days, a wave of exhaustion and depression has swept over me.  i’m completely exhausted before i get to work even though i went to bed before 9pm the night before.  i’m melancholy and sad and find myself sobbing, loudly and uncontrollably, a few times a day.  

i can’t articulate what i’m going through or why i’m feeling what i’m feeling.  there is nothing logical or rational behind it.  and this isn’t like going away to college when everything changed and everyone around you was going through the same thing and that made it easier.  no, this is just me.  

these are probably growing pains.  and the waves on which they come are very close together right now.  as time goes on, they’ll lessen in frequency and severity. i’ll get back to equilibrium soon enough. all i can do in the meantime is honor my feelings. they’re not wrong. they’re mine.

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take long walks together

my husband’s mom wrote this on an advice card at my bridal shower. she said “take long walks together once in a while because that’s when you really talk.” we went on a few walks this weekend: to starbucks and to the capitol to throw the frisbee. and this advice proves to be true. conversation flows much more freely and continuously when we’re walking. we talked about the future and our new apartment. he’s more open and talkative and it’s really nice to just talk and have him initiate bigger conversations.

sunday lunch

i love to make lunch on the weekends.  there’s just something about preparing a nice, fresh meal for me and my man. today i took my sweet time making crazy feta from How Sweet It Is. i was so excited when i saw this recipe earlier in the week because a) i love feta and b) it was inspired by Cava, one of my favorite DC restaurants.  this was delicious, though mine was a little spicy and a little salty.  i drizzled some honey on top to cut the salt, and it was delightful.  mmm.  i also made some roasted red pepper hummus and warmed up some pita.  yum!  i’m full.

aaand my husband just microwaved a bowl of buffalo chicken.  wow.  didn’t we just eat lunch??

the right side of the bed

i woke up on the right side of the bed this morning.  yes, i woke up in a good mood but i mean i literally woke up on the right side of the bed.  what side is that, you ask?  the side with the alarm clock.  and because i woke up on this side, i went to the gym.

i’ve only been to the gym once since i got back from my honeymoon. and that was for a bodyflow class on a saturday. so i’ve been feeling a little out of control, out of my routine. it’s important that i get to the gym a few days a week and it’s important that i get there in the morning.  this is my time.  time to collect my thoughts before the day starts.  time to de-stress.  i was so happy to be back in my groove. so happy to hear my favorite radio morning show on the drive over.  AND the first song that came on my iPod when i got on the elliptical was glee cast “it’s my life/confessions.” ahh! though i almost started belting the lyrics at the top of my lungs, i didn’t.

but i digress. it’s crazy that something so small, what side of the bed you sleep on, can throw off a whole routine.  and when it comes to fitness (and i guess life in general), you have to set yourself up for success.  who knows what side of the bed i’ll sleep on this weekend.  but next week, definitely the side with the alarm clock.

oh, btw, that wasn’t me in the mcdonald’s drive-thru.  i walked in 😉

two things i don’t normally do

last night i did two things i normally don’t do:

1) take a cab

2) get money out of an ATM and pay a surcharge.

i feel like i’ve been spending money a bit loosely lately.  i need to get my financial life in order and pay more attention to my spending and how quickly these little purchases add up.  though i am married now, i’m not rich.

golf shirt

before our rehearsal, my husband had planned to play golf with the groomsmen.  he mentioned that he wanted to get a new golf shirt to play in.  i was running a bunch of wedding errands the wednesday before and figured why not stop in sports authority to pick one up for him.  i chose a white shirt with gray stripes and was happy with my choice.  i laid it out on the bed for him so he’d see it shortly after getting home from work.  he walked in, saw it and said “you didn’t!” he. was. beaming, laughing, and saying thank you.  he was so happy and couldn’t stop smiling.  i will always remember the smile it brought to his face. i’m smiling just remembering this.

i think it’s the little things like that that make a marriage or a relationship.  while it seems like a small thing, getting him that shirt showed him that i was thinking of him, that i had listened to something he said in passing earlier in the week, and that i love him and wanted him to enjoy himself while golfing.  and i do.

“allow time for transitions”

this nugget of wisdom came from don’t sweat the small stuff in love and is something i’m trying to remember right now.  it’s funny that though i’ve just committed my life to someone, i’m still in a state of transition.  we’re moving next month and have boxes of wedding presents waiting to be used piled in our apartment.  i’m changing my name and every time i sign a credit card receipt with my standard signature i remember that it won’t be that way for long and that i should practice my new one.  we’re going to combine our finances (something we’re very excited about) but that has to wait until my name is changed and even after we get our accounts in order it will take a while for direct deposits to change. we need our own car insurance policy (i’ve been on my dad’s) and will have to register our car in DC. i want these things to be done.  they are all things that could be done in a day (or so you’d think).  but no.  i’m sure all of this won’t be settled until at least august.  so, when i feel overwhelmed with these changes and a never-ending personal to-do list, i remember “allow time for transitions.”

"allow time for transitions"

this nugget of wisdom came from don’t sweat the small stuff in love and is something i’m trying to remember right now.  it’s funny that though i’ve just committed my life to someone, i’m still in a state of transition.  we’re moving next month and have boxes of wedding presents waiting to be used piled in our apartment.  i’m changing my name and every time i sign a credit card receipt with my standard signature i remember that it won’t be that way for long and that i should practice my new one.  we’re going to combine our finances (something we’re very excited about) but that has to wait until my name is changed and even after we get our accounts in order it will take a while for direct deposits to change. we need our own car insurance policy (i’ve been on my dad’s) and will have to register our car in DC. i want these things to be done.  they are all things that could be done in a day (or so you’d think).  but no.  i’m sure all of this won’t be settled until at least august.  so, when i feel overwhelmed with these changes and a never-ending personal to-do list, i remember “allow time for transitions.”